Lullaby

I tried singing my demon a lullaby
But he wouldn’t sleep
Your pain had awakened my twin of May
He altered my white wings to black
For myself is too proud to allow itself getting hurt
And so it defied letting you live in peace

Darling,
Had I not told you your presence sealed my Satan away
But you’re not there anymore
I wanted someone to blame when everyone departed away
And my pain chose you, most beloved and most brittle
Excuse me not
But you hurt a part of me and I cannot bear my pain

Darling,
Let these words be injected to your veins that shall conquer your heart
“I’d throw myself off the rock if you were to leave” I said
But I had to leave it seems
I love you so much not to hurt myself
So I hurt you instead
Excuse me not
But I unconsciously did lust your pain

And when I killed you
I could no longer sense my demon
It seems he rested in peace
But then Darling,
The Jesus in me bled my name from your pain
For you bled yours cause of mine
He’s dying at the gates of the fairytale I call life
And so, I beg you
Bring him back to life
Excuse me not
But I love you so much to let you go away.

A Game of Love and Karma

Dare not to say sorry when I know you’re not
For you’re ugly when you lie
You should be sorry for the act you denied
You killed me with your game that you played unconsciously
Bullshitted me with a pathetic song
Told me I love you when you know you didn’t
Told me you missed me when you told your friend you didn’t
Demanded kisses when your heart climaxed rejecting me
Told me its right when I knew things were going wrong
And you still have no regrets

And for that
I’ll tell you the sight I still crave:

When you’re in pain
I smile cause to me its personal gain
When you cry
I laugh that your heart has just died
When you frown
I’m glad you’ve just been put down

Take a look back and remember
You fooled me with a game entitled “love”
And you excused yourself with “you got hung up”
And then I’m a zombie
I want to dissemble your bones
Slice up your veins except for the aorta
I want you alive
But I want to witness the sight when you’re like a fish
A fish that has been banned its home
So pathetically breathing, lying, dying on the ground
And then karma stops my desire

You’ve changed from a demon into an angel
What I’ve been telling you to be has been granted
But no thanks to me
For I took on love from below
But he took it with you from high and high above

I never thought I’d cry tears of happiness
But I did when you loved someone so much
When you asked for more time but you were denied
When you were shocked you called him your one and only
But you ended up not being his one and only
When you got too hung up and you thought he’d give up something for you
When he was the center of your world, but you weren’t
My purple tear drops have turned colorless and bitter
You were fooled into a game called “love”
And apparently, you were too hung up

Your pain is my pleasure
Your gain is my loss
Your sorrow is my bliss
Your tears are injections of morphine to my pain
Your screams are my lullaby
Your internal death is what I lust

And in the end I confess to you
I am yet to avenge my penetrated heart

I Breathe

In the streets of this warm city
The fancy skyscrapers
The cozy atmosphere
Under the lights of the roads
I feel numb from all the pain
So sedated and drugged I am
I could just stop and stare all day

And I walk along these roads
With my black and grey textured bunnyhug
My music, my only best friend
And I smile
For they make me feel so safe, isolated, and free

But as I walk
My hands swing against intangible air
Deprived for a hand to hold
Not a friend, not an ancestor
But a lover
A dear beloved to pour-in happiness into my half empty glass of happiness

And when I see two lovers walking happily
My throat hurts
And it feels as if all my tears are hidden on the top of my mouth
My bronchioles as if they are shuddered
But I walk on with silence and no complains
For he who elicited me into his chaotic creation
Has dimmed my voice and numbed my speech